I often get the question “what is your book about?” As cute as the cover may be, and with its title” Tea with the Dutchess: How to do anything with style”, it goes deeper than the surface level in its teachings of how to create yourself a fabulous life. As I explain in the book, “my lessons of living in style and dining in class would be characterless without a lesson in feeding your soul”. However, as personal transformation often is described as a journey from the inside out, I do believe that we can get help from our external life and our environment in intentionally bringing forth our best internal traits.
Personal transformation is more than a journey that will bring out the you that you aspire to be. Personal transformation is a journey to bring out the true you. You were never without the very qualities and attributes that you wish to bring forward. They were always there, and I strongly believe that it is less about finding yourself and more about becoming yourself. The fire is within you; however, you may need the help of the wind to ignite the flames. Ignite your inner princess, dig deep through the treasure trove, and polish your somewhat rusty crown.
Transformation is synonymous with change and alteration. Changing something means modifying the original or replacing it with something else. My take on transformation has a more subtle approach, as I believe that your personality traits are what make you unique and should shine through, even when you are intending to bring out the best in you.
Transformation does not have to happen with change only and let me explain in simple terms. Is a pencil still a pencil, but an improved and a more useful version of it when sharpened? Something to think about.
How can we use tools as simple as a table setting to transform our lives?
When we observe our surroundings, we tend to become our surroundings, just like the old quote” show me your friends and I will tell you who you are” suggests. This is applicable to the life you lead. As much as it may sound materialistic or surface level to admire good design, a beautifully presented dinner table and décor, there is something that ties the two ends of the rope together. When your surroundings are reflecting you outwards, they are also making it easier for you to create the best version of yourself by mirroring your surroundings. If your environment is harmonious and luxurious, it will make it easier for you to transmit this to your own behaviour and appearance. Living in a home that makes you feel safe and confident, clean and organised for instance will carry through in the way you appear as you are part of your surroundings. Your confidence in creating a home will indeed grow your confidence outside the gates to your comfort zone. Your home is your castle so make sure to match the décor, as it represents who you are.
Even though we should not judge a book by its cover, there is some truth to this when it comes to your home, your presentation or appearances. Let your lady of the manor shine through and use the power of presenting your abode as you like yourself to be perceived.
How to bring out the best in you?
Beginning a journey to becoming the best version of yourself is best achieved in stillness. You do not need a big life changing event, or existential crisis to trigger the quest for your best self. It could be a subtle inner calling that you always heard whispering but never quite took the time or efforts to listen to. Perhaps you feel that you have outgrown your glass shoes, and that the crown needs some realignment. Maybe the change is noticeable to only yourself at first, and that is perfectly fine. Take the time needed to understand what this inner voice is trying to communicate with you. Pause, take a step back and listen. What do you want to highlight in yourself? Can you relate to a scent, a sound or perhaps a visual image of something that can guide you towards where you want to be or who you want to become? Find what represents the very qualities that you want to display to the world and immerse yourself in whatever that may be. If a teacup, made of the finest china represents sophistication to you, then use it more often. If getting dressed in a coat accompanied by an umbrella sculptured of the finest ebony enables you to walk with more confidence, then swing that umbrella for all it is worth! Embrace whatever makes you find the qualities of your desired outcome. This is how we can use the art of appreciating material things, objects and elements to our benefit, and rediscover our inner world with the help of the outer. Do not underestimate the power of a teacup.
Courage is key
Oftentimes cultivating a change in you takes courage. You may have a perception of yourself that you are afraid to bring out to the world, scared of being judged. Sometimes we live in the shadow of our true selves, too occupied with being what we think is required of us, not letting ourselves fully expand to what we are capable of, and transformation takes time. It takes time to adjust to the newly surfaced believes you have of yourself. We are what we think, so changing the believes about yourself and what you think will enable you to follow the new believes and take action. Overcome your fears and remember that if you do things the way you always have, you will most likely get the same results you always have. Expect people to react to the new you and prepare for the reactions not always to be positive, as change can be triggering in most people. You will never lose what you did not have, so shake off the hesitancy, and embrace yourself and your vision to the fullest. Joy in your choice of career, in personal relationships or increased self-esteem are rewards that are well worth conquering your fears for.
Design your life
Just as designing your home, or planning your outfit takes preparation, so does designing your new life. Preparation is what makes the perfect coronation, and in time, and with practice, you will find yourself reaching for the throne in a world you have created for yourself. Is your aim to live a happier life and do more of what makes your heart sing? Perhaps it is to gain new confidence in your talents and finally have the courage to showcase them? Just as a designer starts with a concept, so can you by start mapping out what you want, and don’t want to transform about yourself. While your goal is the outcome, do not forget to enjoy the journey. Have fun, make it memorable and enjoy the progress you make along the way. See, life is not black or white, and with all the nuances in between, find your true colours.
Just as you would carefully select the colour of your walls, the wallpaper and the tablecloth in your home, equally so you can pick your shades, purposefully designed for the life that was meant for you. I always say this, my Darlings, that the answer to most things in life lies in the simplest of things, and the leaves in a teacup can hold the secrets to the blend that makes you uniquely you.
For more advice on etiquette, manners, interior design and how to live your life with grace, elegance and poise, read the book “Tea with the Dutchess: How to do anything with style” by Kate Gawi.
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