The Dutchess, with her investigative nature raised an eyebrow when she discovered that a content creator from Chicago summarised the teachings of the Dutchess with two words: demure and mindful.
“Very mindful, very demure”. You cannot have escaped the Tik Tok trend that went viral, unless you are living under a rock. If you somehow still haven’t heard of Jools Lebron, it is time to open that Tik Tok app, as it is all over the internet. Here, the Dutchess will decipher the meaning and break it down to layman’s terms.
In the Victorian era, values such as modesty, patience and refinement were considered the pinnacle of sophistication. Etiquette extended far beyond dinners and social gatherings; one was expected to carry herself with grace, without exception, at all times.
Oh, I know, I do love reminiscing of days gone by and wish that we could carry more of the positives into our current life, and I do believe that being respectful and considerate, and equipped with good manners is more important today than ever. Having said that, I am quite happily leaving certain traits that women were expected to possess in the past, where they belong. I am referring to the self-sacrificing role of being restricted to pretty much the household environment. Regardless, there are much to be admired and applied to our modern day lives.
Demure; a word used to describe modest, meek or mild. Someone of a modest appearance could be described as demure. It is however not a word with a negative connotation, on the contrary, it is taken as a positive to be labelled as demure. A demure lady does not stand out too much, she does not talk loudly or appear vulgar. Yet, she is confident.
There is something pleasant about a quiet confidence. How do I best describe this? Imagine a flock of birds. The peacock, no matter how much I adore them, is not a very demure bird. A swan on the other hand, has a quiet elegance about her, do you agree? Carrying yourself with poise is like fluttering your fan, not your eyelashes.
Inner calm reflects outwards, just as inner beauty does. Always be your most fabulous self but do it without being the peacock in a flock of pigeons.
Appearing composed is an art that can be cultivated. Start by navigating this world by being mindful of your surroundings, your space and the people around you. Be in touch with your inner guidance, take a moment, slow down a little. Respond to a fast-paced environment with calm. Think before you speak, chose your words and know that kindness is king. Flapping around life with no aim, nor a plan is not attractive.
Appearing poised does not require you to follow fashion, and has little to do with your personal style, however I would recommend you trade your killer heels to kitten heels, or at least go down an inch in height when choosing your shoes. Polished manners are like polished shoes, you might not get complimented for them, but you will be mentioned for the lack of.
All in all, I am a keen advocate for bringing some politeness and good old-fashioned manners back to this century, and if Tik Tok is the source to encourage mindfulness, then who am I to frown upon the method of delivery, be it through a messenger pigeon or a tweet. Cutesy!
For more advice on etiquette, manners, interior design and how to live your life with grace, elegance and poise, read the book “Tea with the Dutchess: How to do anything with style” by Kate Gawi.
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